Exposing one's sins before people

Q: This question is regarding my friend, who is very upset and down since she learnt what she had done was not just a sin but a crime. I know we shouldnt expose each others sins but I wanted to give her some reassurance that she should ask for forgiveness and move on. I know it's more difficult in reality. My friend was molested by alot of men growing up. She went onto allowing her sister to touch her on her chest and she did the same to her sister on a few occasions when she was about 15 or 16. Her sister was 10. She came to acknowledge that it would be considered sexual assault for people of a age gap bigger than 4 or 5 years to do such things. She didn't know it was considered masturbation either. She is so upset and even fell into heavy depression a few years ago. Her health has been affected and always wanted to go and confess to the police of her actions. She said she looked it up on the internet and came across hadiths where people committed sins and were told to cover their sins. She is worried about her sisters future and if this affects her one day in the future. she apologised to her sister and begged for all wrong she has done, without making the reason obvious. Of course this incident happened many years ago and her sister is 21 now. But recently she came across an article that said, sexual assault can make women detach the importance and sacredness of sex and have sex with multiple people. Or, completely isolate themselves from men. Having been assaulted for years herself, she is very disappointed that she could have done such a thing to her sister. Her sister accepted her apology, but she looked unaware for what reason exactly. She makes a lot of dua for her sister and that her future turns out fine, but is worried she may turn away from intimacy from her partner in the future. But her sister seems eager to get married and having a family. She is worried the trauma will play out when she gets close to her partner because most victims don't realise until their in a similar setting. Shes become aware of these things since she started to do therapy for herlsef. She even told her mother a few years ago about the incident and her mother said she may have taken it lightly and as a joke at the time. But kept on reassuring her it will be okay. Please advise with as much knowledge you have. I am worried about my friend. She told me that victims can sometimes repeat what was done to them. But she is constantly crying.

A: After sincerely repenting to Allah Ta’ala, she should not speak to anyone about these sins. Exposing one's sins before people is impermissible. Discussing one's past wrongs is also one way of shaitaan misleading a person and causing them to fall back into the sin. She should refrain from all avenues that will invite her and tempt her towards these types of sins.

And Allah Ta'ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)